I always knew I would leave midwifery. I didn’t want to admit it, but deep in my core I knew. I pushed through most of the degree, my body speaking at me so many times but I ignored it. Because you need a qualification, right?
Often on my walk from the station to the university campus I would break out in sweats, my anxiety would peak, my heart racing. My body was trying to tell me that something was wrong. This went on for nearly three years.
On the last placement that I did my period stopped because I was so stressed. It was all taking a toll on my body. I wasn’t until then that I started to listen.
I left after that placement. The trauma I was witnessing and experiencing, the hospital environment, the hierarchy, the restriction of guidelines and protocols did not sit well with me.
My psychologist helped me to realise that the hospital environment wasn’t aligned with my values and philosophies. I can see now that I truly was going against what I believe in.
I value connection (which was lacking for me in Mid).
I value health in all aspects – mental, spiritual, emotional – not just physical.
I value freedom, and I felt so restricted as a midwife.
I value spirituality and intuition, which was essentially lost once I entered the workplace.
I mentioned before that Midwifery took over my life and totally consumed me. This is because I was desperate to change things. Then I realised that, I personally, felt I couldn’t challenge anything from WITHIN the system. The change has to happen externally, by giving women the tools to trust their inner knowing, and education so as they feel confident to question standard care and advice given to them.
Women demanding the system to change is the only way it will change! Doula work is the perfect way for me to help women who want to see the change and be the change!